By: Bill Nelson
Hey sports fans…wait, that’s not right. Oh well, it’s time for another exciting romp into the refuse bin of cinema. Today we’re looking at a flick that if you found it DOR (dead on road) and fricasseed it just right you might almost have the beginnings of a decent movie. Of course, the fact that we’re looking at it here means they didn’t, so let’s just get over that missed opportunity and dive right in. This week we’re looking at the 2014 masterpiece Zombeavers.
Zombeavers was directed by Jordan Rubin and cowritten by him, Al Kaplan, and Jon Kaplan. It tells the story of three comely young ladies seeking refuge from their wayward men at a cabin in the woods only to have their freedom interrupted, first by the men they sought to escape and then by a den of unruly, mutated zombie beavers. Yes, you read that right. The zombie craze has finally made it’s way to nature’s lumberjacks. Next thing you know dogs and cats will be living together in bizarre remakes of Single White Female. But I digress, the film is what it is and doesn’t pretend to be anything else. For that alone I’ve got to give it props. Don’t think that means this movie might actually be good, though. It’s about as mind numbing as watching paint try to stay wet. Yet it does manage to get off more than a handful (though not much more) of good laughs. The problem is the acting is about 2 levels below straight to DVD level and the special effects, while humorous, leave a lot to be desired. On a more serious note, the film does suffer from significant pacing issues. It basically just throws the story at you in one giant lump and circumstances unfurl from there. If you were going to make a more serious attempt at a horror movie, then some actual plot development would have been needed. And the subplot where one of the girls, Jenn, is dealing with her boyfriend cheating on her without knowing he cheated with one of the girls she came to the cabin with would need some serious building since it’s the only real character development in the flick.
Of course, if you’re actually watching Zombeavers, none of this really matters because five minutes in you’ll find your tongue planted firmly in cheek as you giggle at the bad dialogue. And when the human victims start turning into zombie human/beaver hybrids you’ll have reached the peak of your night. Nothing else will ever seem better, I promise. Just kidding, but if you like a bad horror flick that doesn’t take itself too seriously, Zombeavers really isn’t terrible. It’s obvious they were trying to intentionally make a Bmovie, it just happened to be more of a Dmovie. Give it a shot, you’ll smile for a bit…I promise!
Stank Ranking –Share: – 8.5/10